Alligator Dodgeball

I am trying out http://www.ifttt.com/

I just found this post, and I’m not sure why I never posted it, so here it is.

So, I read The Plain Janes and I think it gave me ideas because on Valentine’s Day, my very cooperative date and I went around Seattle, creating small art projects, mostly with stuff I found at Archie McPhee.

Read the rest of the post to see what we did.

[Read the rest of this entry...]

For the last two months, people have been calling me about the car I’m selling on Craigslist. It’s a

2005 Honda Civic EX Coupe Special Edition i-VTEC (PERFECT CONDITION) Certified byn Honda of Bellevue. Feel free to email with questions. Private Seller Serious, Inquires ONLY please. This Civic is located in Bellevue/Redmond.

So far, I haven’t called any of these people back, because they sounded like jerks or robots or like they just weren’t worthy to buy my car. In addition, I’m not selling a car on Craigslist.

The first calls were obviously recordings, so I just assumed they were some kind of scam.

I figured out what was going on when I got a call from a real live person, who told me that I was selling a car on Craigslist! A couple of Google searches later, I found the ad and then got Craigslist to take it down.

I’m going to describe how I did it, in case you’re getting phone calls like this. We’ll pretend your phone number is (555) 867‒5309. If you do this, make sure to use your real phone number.

First you have to find the ad. Using your favorite search engine, search for “site:craigslist.org 867 5309″

Look at each result to see if the phone number matches yours exactly (including area code).

Make a note of each page that matches. You can also try searching by only the last four digits of your phone number, or if someone who called you mentioned the make and model of the car, search by that. Just remember to include the “site:craigslist.org” part to keep your search on Craigslist only.

When you have a list of pages, go to the Craigslist contact us page (at http://sfbay.craigslist.org/cgi-bin/emailForm.cgi?), pick the harassment option, fill out the rest of the form, and paste the list of links into the describe the issue box. Then click “Send Email Message.”

I also recommend keeping track of the links and checking on them in a day or so to make sure Craigslist took them down.

In this post, I plug a commercial product. It will be like an advertisement, but I don’t get paid for it.

I am a Netflix subscriber on the one-disc-at-a-time plan. In theory, that means I can get two movies a week. The reality is that, sometimes, the DVDs sit on a shelf for weeks at a time. Last night, I slept through Curious George and the Case of the Benjamous Button. Why do I still subscribe if I hardly ever watch the DVDs?

It’s not about the DVDs. Netflix uses the Internet to send me movies. Of course, when it first started, every movie and show on Netflix Instant Watch was something you had never heard of, and you were better off that way. Some of the movies were so cheaply made, they didn’t even have real box art, just a screen capture from the middle of the film or an awkward photo of the stars.

But now, Netflix has classed up the joint. They have a very nice selection.

For example, if you like science fiction, they have:

• All the episodes of Firefly, which I own, of course, but it’s there if you don’t. And the movie based on the show, Serenity.
• Planet of the Apes
• For the truly hardcore, Dune
• If you like the bad stuff, Plan 9 from Outer Space
• Primer, the movie you might have to watch at least 10 times to understand
• You may or may not consider seasons one, two, three, four and five of Lost to be science fiction (Incidentally, I should write some more about how I discovered Lost on this blog sometime).

Instant Watch has movies and TV by your favorite funny people.

• Bill Murray
• Paul Reubens
• Steve Martin
• John Cleese
• Willy Allen and Larry Craig
• Will Smith

If you don’t have time to watch comedy and science fiction separately, Instant Watch has Mystery Science Theater 3000. You can watch Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, and some guy brilliantly mock the worst movies ever made:

• Werewolf, the horrifying tale of a man who begins to turn into a werewolf.
• Laserblast, the horrifying tale of a pimply teenager who finds a laser gun and kills a young Bill Gates.
• Future War, the horrifying tale of futuristic cyborgs and dinosaurs who travel back in time to the ’90s.
• First Spaceship on Venus, the horrifying tale of nuclear war on Venus.
• And many, many, many, many, many more. And I think that these about sum it up.

If all those episodes of MST3K don’t convince you, I don’t know what will.

1. Get a big garbage can and cut off the bottom.
2. Find a patch of sand big enough to fit the diameter of the large opening of the garbage can.
3. Fill up buckets of water and wet down the sand.
4. Level it out by using a shovel to move the sand around.
5. Turn over the garbage can and set it on the patch of sand you just flattened.
6. Shovel sand and pour buckets of water into the can to make a sandy mixture that will hold its shape after you remove the can. You will need to experiment with the best mix.
7. Every now and then, tamp it down to compact the sand and water mixture. A tamper should have a large heavy flat piece at one end that you slam down into the sand over and over until the sand and water are all mixed up.
8. When you have filled up the garbage can, pull it off very carefully. The sandy mixture will hold onto the can, but you can do it! You may have better success by working your way around the can, wiggling the can a little at each step.
9. Once you have removed the can, cut out shapes in the sand with implements like knives and scrapers.
10. Fill up glasses and other containers with the same sandy mixture you made the castle with and carefully tip them onto the castle to make shapes that stick out.
11. Make up a castle in your mind and sculpt it.
12. Stand back.
13. Look at your creation.
14. If it doesn’t match the picture in your mind, smash it and start all over.

It’s like they always say: two is better than one.

“So it’s come down to this. It’s just me and you, ocean. Well, I’m not going down without a fight.

“You can throw wave after wave of — um — waves at me, but I will absorb them all.”

And with that, he advanced steadfastly into the roiling aquatic mess. On most days he liked sea salt. Today was not one of those days.

The ocean grew angrier and angrier, as he walked further and further away from the land. The waves grew bigger and bigger.

At first, he thought this was a bigger battle than he had expected, but he gradually learned to handle the waves. He learned something from each new onslaught.

He remembered that he could float and used his buoyancy to float over the top of each wave, as though there were no waves at all.

He let the waves slam into his back. They could still harm his spine and the back of his brain, but not his front-brain or his navel, the point from which a man draws all his power.

However, avoiding direct confrontation was fruitless. He would confront the next wave, not turning to either side or floating above it. He wanted to let his enemy know he was there.

After he collided with the wave, the ocean seemed shocked. For a long time, all was calm, as though it were planning its next move.

Minutes passed, and he began to feel more confident. And while it was true that the ocean could do him no harm, at the same time, there was nothing he could do in return.

As he considered his, he realized that the waves approaching now were bigger than any he had yet faced, and it quickly became clear that neither party would win the battle. They would settle this another day.

1. My fingernails are just a little too long.
2. Sunscreen “works” on me, but I still get awkward blotches of sunburn.
3. There is such a thing as bad authentic Mexican food.
4. Sea creatures are fascinating.

Expect more in the next few days.

“Brigham, what’s the secret to your productivity?”

I always tell, them, “I’m not really that productive.”

Then they say, “Oh,” and then things get uncomfortable.

But now, I have an answer for them. Read on to see one way I’ve stopped wasting time. This is my first post like this. If it’s too confusing or long, let me know. Or if it helps someone, I’d like to know that, too!

[Read the rest of this entry...]

…on how to rid myself of this device.

All suggestions will be taken seriously.